


this love came back to me

by besidemethewholedamntime



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Gen, Post-Canon, Spoilers for the AoS series finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26009794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/besidemethewholedamntime/pseuds/besidemethewholedamntime
Summary: "It’s been a little over a year since that final mission, and they are in no hurry to get back to work. They will someday, but right now they just want some time. Real and proper time that isn’t on a spaceship but with their families and their daughter. It’s been five years, and Jemma doesn’t think she will ever stop marvelling at Alya. Their own baby. Who would have ever thought that? Well, perhaps everybody but themselves, right from the start."Jemma and Alya spend some time together just the two of them when Fitz gets called away for work. A post-canon family fic that is full of feels but no angst.
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Comments: 34
Kudos: 104





	this love came back to me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ohfaiths](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohfaiths/gifts).



> For my wonderful bean Olesya who sent me the cutest video of a toddler and her mum and requested a fic like this one. It was meant to be a drabble - barely any words at all - and then I had so many ideas and it basically turned into this kind of family exploration of how they're all doing. 
> 
> I haven't properly decided my own personal view on what they're doing after the finale so other fics I write might have different details but as long as they're happy and healthy, right? 
> 
> Title is from 'This Love' by Taylor Swift.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

“No way. Absolutely no bloody way.”

Fitz shakes his head so emphatically that Jemma’s worried he’ll do some serious damage. With a worried peek at the computer behind him, she says, “Well, what does it say?”

“They want us to come in. Emergency consultation.”

“But we’re retired?”

“I know that and you know that but do they know that? Do they hell.”

“Fitz,” Jemma tries, but she already knows it’s pointless. Ever since Daisy had sent them a message saying to check their email (she’s usually regular about it but the weather’s been so _nice_ over the past couple of days) he has been irritable and on edge, almost predicting what it was going to say. She’s tried to placate him – _it could be anything, Fitz_ – but she’s always known what it was going to be.

“We’re done, Jemma.” He turns from the laptop to her, and the shimmer of tears in his eyes makes her heart seize up. “We _left_.”

His plaintive tone makes her want to cry, too. “It must be important if Daisy has asked,” she says, ignoring the lump of emotion in her throat. “She knows how important retirement is to us.”

Jemma does some work on the side, but it’s purely on an _ad hoc_ basis, and all of it must be able to be done from the comfort of her own home. Those were the stipulations she agreed to because as much as she loves science, she loves her family more. Daisy had understood immediately. Fitz had too (after confessing that he’d known about it for a while before she told him), but hadn’t wanted to be a part of it. He’d help her if she needed it, but he didn’t want to do any consulting of his own. He simply wasn’t ready and she couldn’t blame him.

It’s been a little over a year since that final mission, and they are in no hurry to get back to work. They will someday, but right now they just want some _time._ Real and proper time that isn’t on a spaceship but with their families and their daughter. It’s been five years, and Jemma doesn’t think she will ever stop marvelling at Alya. Their own baby. Who would have ever thought that? Well, perhaps everybody but themselves, right from the start.

“I’m telling them no,” Fitz says, swiping a hand under his eye as quick as a flash. “We’re not going, that’s that.”

“Come on, don’t be hasty. It must be important.”

“It’s always important,” he snaps. “ _Just this one thing,_ that’s what they’ll say. Then before you know it we’re stuck back there, risking our lives every bloody day again.”

Jemma has to admit he has a point. It would be too easy to get caught up in that life again. She crosses her arms over her body; such a sick feeling has started in her stomach and it’s beginning to spread. “What does it say? What does it actually say?”

He turns back to the computer and scans the email. “Emergency consultation for a bit of tech. They’ll fly us all out, have somewhere for us to stay, fly us all back… Less than a week.” Fitz scoffs. “Fat chance of that.”

Her throat feels tight. “And when would it be?”

“If we say yes then there’d be someone here at eight tomorrow morning.”

 _Tomorrow._ Emergency implies the obvious, but even still, tomorrow just feels so _quick_. It’s early July, the beginning of the Summer holidays up and down the country. They were going to go to the park tomorrow, followed by another swimming lesson. Alya loves being outdoors. She can’t get enough of it. It’s been a year and she still laughs every time the grass tickles her bare feet.

“That’s…soon,” she manages to choke out.

“It doesn’t matter because we’re not going,” Fitz says, and Jemma knows that this brusqueness is just an act to mask just how afraid he is. Going back someday was fine, it was abstract and not set in stone. This definitive plan has upset him more than either of them had thought it would. “We’re not taking Alya there.”

“I know we’re not,” she says because that was never even a consideration. Their daughter stays where she’s safe and comfortable, a place that she’s familiar. Four years in space were a necessity. This is not. “She stays here.”

“And so do we.”

“Fitz, no – listen. It’s an emergency. They wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important.”

“The fact that they asked us and didn’t just show up on our door means that someone else can do it, Jemma. We’re retired. We’re out of that loop.” He looks out of their office window. The rain is battering against it, adding a sombre overlay to this already darkened mood. She wishes they could go back to yesterday to when it was nice and sunny and their lives were simple. “We have a choice now.”

“You know as well as I do that we can’t say no, that we would ever say no to this. Don’t even pretend it’s an option,” she says. “What if we don’t take Alya?”

Fitz turns back to her. “What? You mean leave her with my mum?” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know, Jemma. She’s never been without either of us for more than a couple of hours. Not even overnight.”

Alya, though excited by all of the new things in her life, had also been affected by the fact that she no longer knew where her parents were every second, and that it was too easy to lose them now. More than once there had been occasions where Fitz had been at the shops, or Jemma had been taking a walk around the town, and they had come back to find Alya inconsolable in the arms of the other parent, convinced that one had disappeared into thin air and left her forever.

Meeting her grandparents had helped, as had enrolling her for a nursery class. Always ensuring that she knew that they’d be back to pick her up and that it wasn’t like the last time they’d had to go. _It’s all over,_ Jemma had whispered into her hair as Alya had sniffled into her shirt. _This is our home now. We always come back here._

Home being a house is a foreign concept to a child raised on a Zephyr ship amongst the stars. Someday it’ll all be a distant dream to her, a hazy early-childhood memory, but for now it’s still very real, and Jemma knows there are some days where Alya looks out the window and is confused as to where they are.

Jemma nods in understanding. “I know. I’m not really keen on that idea myself, actually.” She takes a deep breath. “It’s only a tech consult, right?”

Fitz narrows his eyes but reads the email again. “Yeah. Just tech.”

“Well,” she begins, and then stops then starts again. “What if you go? Just you. I’ll stay here with Alya.”

Some of the creases in Fitz’s face smooth out, others remain as they were. “You mean split up?”

She nods. “Yes.”

“I dunno.” He bites his lip. “We don’t do that anymore.”

They really don’t. The extent of it is the aforementioned shopping or walking. This would be the first time in a long time they haven’t been within walking distance of each other.

“I know,” she says, and it’s rather like the way she says it to Alya. “But it’s the only way.”

He says nothing, and one of the creases deepens. She comes over to him and wraps her arms around his shoulders.

“We wanted normal for her, Fitz. This is normal. Parents go away for work all the time. It can’t be the three of us in this house forever.”

“Can’t it?” Fitz sighs, and she holds him tighter. She’d love nothing more than that also. “It’s just different.” He grabs her hand with one of this, stroking it gently with his thumb. “Will you be alright?”

“I think I can look after our daughter by myself for a few days,” she tells him lightly, before sincerely saying, “I’ll be fine. We both will.” She presses a kiss to the side of his face. “I promise.”

-x-

“And I’ll only be away for a few days, alright? And Mummy will be here the whole time so you won’t be on your own, not for a second.”

Alya’s bottom lip sticks out so far that Jemma’s worried she’ll trip over it if she moves from where she sits on Fitz’s knee. It’s later in the afternoon, the reply having been sent this morning agreeing for Fitz to travel and do the consultation. They’ve spent the rest of the day packing and working out how to have the conversation with their daughter about what’s going on. Obviously not the whole, complex truth of it, but enough. Keeping secrets is not something they do.

“Okay,” Alya says, and her voice is soft, baby-like. It reminds Jemma of the time they were teaching her to talk. Her first word was _star._ “Not a long time, okay?”

Fitz shakes his head. “No, not a long time. You’ll have so much fun with your mum that you probably won’t notice I’m gone.”

“Don’t be silly,” she says emphatically. “Who’ll read the bedtime story?”

Jemma sees Fitz try to put on a smile, but as he turns to where she sits next to him, she knows it’s a little too wide and doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Well Mummy can read you the bedtime story, you know. She’s so good at all of the voices.” Alya doesn’t look terribly convinced, and Jemma doesn’t even do her usual feigned offence. This particular bedtime story has just been for them. “Or I’ll see if I can phone you and read it to you that way.”

Alya shakes her head. “You won’t have the book.”

Fitz smiles softly. “I’ll find a way.”

“Okay,” she says again, though still looking troubled. “Can we go to the park when you’re back? I want to go on the climbing frame.”

“Yes, my little monkey,” he says, tickling her softly under the chin. “We’ll go to the park a _nd_ we’ll go get ice-cream. Just the three of us, all day. How about that?”

“Yeah!” She giggles, and it’s the purest sound Jemma has ever heard. Alya looks straight at her and says, “Is that good, Mumma?”

“Yes,” Jemma smiles. “That will be a perfectly lovely day.”

Alya hums contentedly, and Jemma’s relieved to see a smile back on her face, her bottom lip now in. She looks up at her father. “Are you okay, Daddy?”

Jemma looks immediately from her daughter to Fitz. There’s a funny look on his face, and Jemma knows it’s the same pain that’s been in her stomach all day, having just now reached his heart.

“I’ll just miss you lots is all,” is what he manages to squeeze out, and Jemma can see the tears in his eyes.

“You’ll be back soon,” Alya parrots back to him, making both of her parents smile. Suddenly she throws her arms around Fitz’s neck and buries her face there. “I love you, daddy.”

The tears in his eyes begin to fall down his face. “I love you too, sweetheart.” He presses Alya to him, kissing her hair, and Jemma worries they’re making a mistake. He looks oh so helpless as he says, “I love you, too.”

-x-

“Got everything?”

Jemma tries to be cheerful, but the early hour plus the general mood means that it doesn’t fit. Fitz zips up the suitcase on the bed in front of them and then looks straight at her where she’s standing by the wall, and for a second it’s like it’s years ago and she’s about to tell him _maybe there is._

Only they are past that now, and so he simply says, “Yeah. Think so.”

It’s half-past seven and already raining. _Typical Scottish summer weather_ she had joked yesterday morning when they woken up and heard the wind driving it against the windows, after a week of solid sunshine. Now it feels like an omen, and she wants to tell herself of yesterday to shut up.

“Is Alya awake?” He asks, brining the suitcase off the bed.

“You know it. She’s been up since six. She didn’t want to miss you going.”

“I wouldn’t have gone,” he says, suddenly sharp. “I wouldn’t have just snuck off without saying goodbye.”

“I know,” she says softly, coming to stand in front of him. He looks so down and lost that she wants to fold him into her arms and keep him there forever. “She knows it, too.”

One thing that their daughter is never in doubt of is how much she is loved. That is something they make sure of.

“I just-” he swallows. “I just don’t want to be pulled back.”

“You won’t be. Strictly consulting. That’s what everybody has agreed to. As soon as you’re done they’re dropping you back off here.” She smiles. “You just know there’ll be a big bag of presents coming back with you.”

“Like she needs more presents,” Fitz scoffs, but Jemma knows he would fetch down the moon if Alya so desired it.

He still looks so wretched though, and it causes the pain in her heart to intensify. His hands twitch by his sides and she gathers both in her own. “Don’t go.”

His eyebrows knit together incredulously, his eyes searching hers. “What?”

“If it’s making you this unhappy then don’t go, Fitz. I don’t want it to be like I’m making you. Don’t punish yourself. I’ll go.” She swallows thickly, knowing it would hurt but the offer is completely sincere. “You can explain it to me over the phone. I’ll do it instead.”

His face softens immediately. “No, I – oh, Jemma, no. No, I’ll go. You were right: if they’re asking us then it means they need us. We can’t let them down.” He presses one of his hands to her cheek, wiping away a stray tear that’s somehow found its way there. “Besides, you’ve done it once. I would never make you do that again.”

There’s a guilt that’s still present in both of them, weighing on their hearts. It’s gotten a little lighter over the past year but Jemma can still feel it, and she knows Fitz can do. Barely any time at all for their daughter, but a whole different kind of forever to them.

“Just a few days,” she says quietly.

“Yeah. And open communication to you the whole time.” It had been said immediately before anybody could protest at it. No more hiding.

“It’ll be fine.” It sounds like she’s trying to convince herself more than anything. “We’ll be fine.”

“I know,” and at least Fitz sounds like he believes his statement. He pulls her to him and Jemma feels the soft, familiar weight of his hand cradling the back of her head. Tears suddenly burn her eyes and she feels silly. It’s only a few days. They’ve been separated for much longer than that before.

He whispers into her skin, “If anything happens at all just let me know. I’ll be home in a heartbeat.”

She closes her eyes and breathes in deeply, inhaling the scent of him and storing it away so she has enough to carry her through.

“Come on,” she says brightly, or as brightly as she can manage, breaking away. “We better go and see our daughter. I left her in the kitchen, and I have a feeling she might have figured out how to reach the sweetie box in that top cabinet.”

“Little monkey,” Fitz grins, and Jemma’s glad she never doubts the power of their daughter to make him smile.

-x-

 _It’s only a couple of days,_ Jemma tells herself as she stands with Alya on her hip at the door of their home, waving goodbye to Fitz as he walks down the lane. _A couple of days. We’ve done much longer than that before._

“Bye, daddy!” Alya yells, waving one arm manically, the other looped around Jemma’s neck. “Bye!”

“Bye!” Jemma shouts with her, thanking the stars that they don’t have any close neighbours.

“Bye!” Fitz shouts back, his voice already growing faint as he gets smaller and smaller. Eventually, he rounds the bend and is out of sight but they keep on waving until their wrists are sore and their fingers are numb. And then they wave some more.

Alya stops and rests her head against Jemma’s neck. Jemma inhales the scent of her baby shampoo and instantly is transported back to the time when they were trying to figure out how to bath a baby on a Zephyr ship. Fitz had been hovering anxiously as Jemma had lowered Alya into the water. _You’ve got her head, yeah? Jemma, you’ve got her head?_ had been a frequently recurring theme, until eventually, Jemma had just told Fitz to do it himself if he was so anxious about it. As terrified as he’d been about holding someone so small and slippery, he’d been a natural at it, and the look on his face is something Jemma had once thought she’d never be able to forget.

It’s strange that those should now feel like simpler times. She bites her lip now, trying not to cry and frighten Alya.

“I’m going to miss daddy,” Alya sighs, though she doesn’t sound as upset as Jemma had feared she’d be.

“Me too, sweet girl. Me too.”

“He’ll be back soon, though.”

“Yes,” she agrees, wishing that she could have as much faith as her daughter does. “He’ll be back soon.”

-x-

It’s strange how empty the house feels without Fitz in it, even though he’s only been gone a couple of hours. Jemma knows she’s imagining it, for it’s not as though all they do is spend all their day here. They go on small holidays and day-trips and frequently visit Fitz’s mum and her own parents. It’s different today, though, because when tonight comes around all three of them won’t be on the sofa watching a film, and tonight it’ll just be her in that big double bed.

Reminding herself of the importance of it helps her a little. She can be uncomfortable for a few days if it means lives are saved. It doesn’t mean she has to just sit here and think about it, though, and with the rain still bucketing down, she decides to take herself and Alya swimming.

The pool isn’t as busy as Jemma feared it would be and they have plenty of space to learn. The sight of Alya splashing towards her wearing her goggles and giant armbands makes Jemma smile every time she does it, and she does it several times before saying, “I surely must be the bestest swimmer now.”

“You certainly are getting a lot better,” Jemma laughs, splashing water in her direction. “But you don’t want to practice too much and hurt yourself.”

Alya pouts at the thought of getting out. It’s a trick that usually works on Fitz better than it works on Jemma, but she always tries it. “I haven’t been in _that_ long.”

“Nice try, you cheeky monkey, but we’ve been in here almost an hour. Your fingers and toes must be getting all wrinkly.” Jemma takes one of Alya’s starfish hands, looking at it with exaggerated interested. “Hmm. I see lots and lots and _lots_ of wrinkles!”

Alya squeals with delight as Jemma tickles her palm. “Mumma, no!”

“I’m afraid so,” she says gravely. “The only cure I know of is warm clothes and hot chocolate with lots of little marshmallows in it. What do you think?”

Alya takes some time to weigh up her options, forehead creasing in concentration. Eventually, she says, “Okay, but some more swimming first?”

“Alya…”

“ _Please,_ Mumma. _Please.”_

She widens her eyes bats her eyelashes and Jemma thinks she’s never more adorable than when she’s trying to get her own way. “No, sweetheart. I think you’re all done for today.” Alya just bats her eyelashes more. “How about going on the slides for a bit, instead? Ten minutes on them and then we’ll get you warm and dry. Is that acceptable to you?”

“Yes!” Joy lights up her face, and her smile only gets wider as they both paddle over to the slides. Jemma hoists herself out before bringing up Alya. Standing at the foot of the staircase to the entrance to the chute, the lifeguard waiting to direct them up, Alya’s smile suddenly disappears, and she shrinks into her mother’s side.

Jemma bends down to her level, suddenly concerned. “Sweetie, what is it?”

“I don’ wanna go,” Alya mumbles, pressing her face into Jemma’s neck.

“Why not? You were so excited a minute ago.”

“Just don’t,” is all she says.

Motioning to the lifeguard to just give them a minute, Jemma gently brings her daughter to face her. Alya looks down at her feet, and Jemma gently tips her chin back up. “Would you like me to go with you?”

Alya visibly brightens at the prospect but tilts her head quizzically. “Are Mummies allowed on the slide?”

“Well we’ll ask. If I am, would you like me to?”

Alya nods her head and hides behind Jemma until she asks the lifeguard if she can accompany her daughter on the slide. When permission is granted, they climb the stairs together, and Alya giggles as she climbs in between Jemma’s legs, pressing herself back against her mother as Jemma pushes off and sends them careening down the water slide, water sloshing up all around them.

Alya loves it so much that she forgets to be afraid and after twice more with Jemma, she decides she can do it herself.

“But you’ll catch me at the bottom, Mumma,” she instructs as she clambers out of the pool to climb the staircase by herself. “You won’t let me fall.”

Jemma smiles reassuringly from her place in the water, suddenly overwhelmed with love. “Sweet girl, I would never even dream of it.”

-x-

_“How is she?”_

Jemma looks to where Alya has fallen asleep on the sofa in the middle of a documentary about the Pacific Ocean. “She’s fine. Absolutely out for the count. We’ve had a busy day.”

_“And how are you?”_

“I’m fine, I promise.” She bites her lip, not knowing whether to say more or not. She decides not to. “How is it there?”

Fitz’s sigh is deep. He sounds so tired. Early mornings have never been his thing. “ _It’s alright. You were right – it really is important.”_

“Over twenty years and you’re still doubting me?” She gently teases. “Can you tell me about it?”

_“Eh not now. Sorry. It’s just this line isn’t really secure and it’s-”_

“Classified. I see. It’s alright.”

For someone who likes to know everything there is to know, the fact that there are now classified things at her old organisation that she is no longer privy to is an annoyance. Nothing big, but just a little tingle under the skin that reminds her just how much her life has changed.

_“I’ll tell you when I’m back, I promise.”_

She smiles and shakes her head even though Fitz isn’t here to see it. He has no love of secrets anymore, and besides, they should know that if one of them is told, the other will find out eventually. “Do you think you’ll be able to get it done in a few days?”

_“Definitely. I’ll be back before the week is up.”_

The relief she feels at the confidence in his voice goes some way to ease the longing she has felt ever since he went away. This is a good thing they are doing. This is normal. She repeats it over and over again, a mantra in her head.

“Good,” she says, and then quieter, “I miss you.”

“ _I miss you, too,_ ” he says softly. _“I’ll be home soon.”_

Suddenly there are so many things she wants to tell him. She wants to tell him just how much she loves him in the most dizzying, impossible way. She wants to say that when she looks at him she feels such a cacophony of feelings in her heart, which feels too small for all the love it holds. She wants to tell him _thank you_ for everything he has done for her and given to her; thank him for simply being who he is – the man she loves most.

Except she can’t make the words come, so instead she settles for the next best thing. “I love you, Fitz.”

 _“I love you, too,_ ” he says, and she thinks that maybe, just maybe, he might have understood her anyway. “ _I love both of you more than anything.”_

They talk some more about how Alya’s swimming lessons are going and about how strange is it having a visitor badge on in a lab. Eventually Fitz has to leave and he promises to phone tomorrow as soon as he can. Jemma feels lighter as she hangs up, a smile on her face as she goes through to carry their daughter to bed.

-x-

“Mumma, why did Daddy have to go?”

Alya’s sitting at the kitchen table as she has been for the past hour, working laboriously over her drawing of a fish. It’s the fish she hopes to one day design, and being told that it’s illegal hasn’t deterred her in the slightest. Each drawing she produces is meticulously detailed, and each fish comes with a multitude of new abilities and colours, plus its own individual name. This one is called Henry.

Jemma brings a cup of tea over and takes the seat opposite, using the time to try and decide what to say. They’d just said vaguely it was for work, deciding that Alya wouldn’t be interested in the details that may just confuse her. That’s the thing with their daughter, she is sometimes entirely unpredictable.

“He had to go away for work,” she says now. “Important work that couldn’t be done by anybody else.”

Alya doesn’t look up at her and keeps colouring her fish in magenta. “I know _that._ But he hasn’t gone away before.”

“No, you’re right. He hasn’t.” Jemma taps her finger against the table, wondering how deep they’ll have to go. “He hasn’t done this kind of work in a long while, but it was important for him to do it this time.”

“Why?”

“Well, you know what Daddy and I used to do for work, yes?”

Alya nods, still colouring in her fish. “Science.”

“Yes, exactly that. And we both, but especially Daddy, made things that helped people. That’s what Auntie Daisy wanted daddy for this time.”

Alya looks up, face scrunching into her ‘thinking look’. “Like superheroes?”

Jemma can’t help but laugh fondly. “Yes, like superheroes.”

“But why did he have to go? He can make things with me.” She frowns again. “We made things together in space.”

Her despondent tone has Jemma’s heart aching, and she wonders for the thousandth time if they did the right thing raising her for years the way they did. “I know you did, sweetheart, and they were wonderful things. This was just a little bit different this time.”

She doesn’t ask the question, but Jemma can see the _why_ written all over her face. She pushes her chair back and beckons for Alya to come over, settling her on her knee. At four, almost five, she’s no longer the baby she once was, and with every day that passes Jemma finds herself more and more aware of it. In August she’ll start school, which should be a natural transition from the nursery class she attends two days a week, but to Jemma, it just feels like a loss, a piece of herself being taken away.

For now, though, she just smooths Alya’s hair away from her face says, “Do you know how we always tell you that you are the brightest star in our sky?”

“Uh-huh,” she says, looking less despondent and more interested. Anything about stars and she’s all ears.

“Well different people have different stars in their skies, and that’s why Daddy had to go. He had to go and make something so that everybody could look after all of their stars.”

“Oh, so a _big big_ thing.” She swings her little legs back and forth. “That makes sense.”

“I’m glad it does. He’ll only be gone for a little while, though. We don’t do that work anymore.”

The forehead crease comes back, and Jemma has an inexplicable urge to kiss it. “Why not?”

“Because _you,”_ and she presses her nose which makes Alya giggle, “are the brightest star in _our_ sky. If we did that work now then we might have to be gone at times and I wouldn’t like that very much at all.”

“Me neither.” Alya reaches up and kisses Jemma on the cheek, and just like that the moment is over. Their daughter is done being reflective and she jumps off Jemma’s knee. As though nothing at all has been said, she settles in her own chair and resumes her colouring of Henry, this time the pencil an alarming shade of lime green.

-x-

Though they’ve been together for over half their lives, Jemma and Fitz have never really been _together_ for most of that time. The utter denial, plus all of the forced separations, mean that the length of their relationship does not entirely match up with how long they have shared a bed together. In short, she should be well used to sleeping alone, but three days after Fitz first left, she finds she can’t make herself do it anymore.

She should be exhausted. In order to keep Alya’s mind from thinking about where her father is, what he might be doing, does he miss her, is he having nice food for dinner (all real questions that have been asked), she has given in to her almost every whim; whatever activity has taken her fancy, they have done it. They have gone swimming again, visited Fitz’s mother, went to the park (but only the small park – they’re saving the big park for daddy’s return), painted rocks, baked cookies, and done a multitude of science experiments in the kitchen sink. Anything she has asked for Jemma has given her, which, now that she thinks on it, has essentially turned her into Fitz.

So she should be exhausted. She should be so bone-weary that as soon as she turns off the lamp and lays her head down on the pillow she should be out for the count. Alya has had no trouble with it. Every night after she has spoken with Fitz, she falls asleep on the sofa clutching her stuffed monkey, and Jemma is the lucky one who gets to carry her to bed. Once there she is sound, whereas Jemma tosses and turns around her own, disconcerted by how much space she has to do so.

Tonight it’s worse than usual. Lying in the utter darkness, Jemma feels no inclination for sleep. Her muscles refuse to relax, her eyelids stay stubbornly open, and she stares into the ceiling until she is seeing stars but none of it makes any difference.

She runs through a list in her head of every reason that could be keeping her awake, but in the end it just comes down to one. Fitz. It’s fine to pretend during the day, but at night, in the space the two of them usually inhabit, there’s just no way she can do that anymore.

She’s just about to give up and go downstairs to watch mindless telly until the sun comes up and her daughter demands breakfast when she hears a door open. She looks at the clock. _2:47._ Sitting up in bed, she flicks on the lamp, listening for the light footsteps across the hallway. She is fully prepared for her bedroom door opening and a small face peeping around it.

“Mumma?”

Jemma pats the space next to her and Alya runs and clambers onto the bed, stuffed monkey in tow. “What’s wrong, monkey?”

“I can’t sleep.” She cuddles her monkey closer. “I had a bad dream.”

“Oh dear, that’s not very good, is it?” Jemma lifts her arm up and Alya curls into her underneath it, ensuring that her monkey is getting a good cuddle, too. This small gesture, the act of making sure her toys are comfortable, is something she has yet to grow out of, and a part of Jemma hopes she never will. “Would you like to tell me about it?”

In a very small voice, Alya says, “You and daddy left and you didn’t come back and I was all by myself in the dark again.”

“ _Oh,_ ” Jemma breathes. Words can pack a punch, she knows this, but she always forgets just how much the impact hurts. It feels like the wind has been knocked out of her, and it’s a good few seconds before she can reliably speak again, but all that comes out is, “Oh, sweetheart.”

Alya nods into Jemma’s side. “I didn’t know where you were.”

For a second there’s a pang of absolute crushing guilt and all Jemma can do is hold her daughter closer and fight the urge to cry. “I’m here,” she says, barely keeping her voice together. “I’m here now.”

“It wasn’t as scary in real life,” Alya decides. “Just a little bit. It was really scary in the dream.”

“Dreams can do that, can’t they? Make things seem scarier than they were.” Jemma says as she runs her hand through Alya’s hair. It reminds her of how it felt to be reunited with her, to hold her whole heart in her hands, feel it under her fingertips. That wonderful elation as the pain that had troubled her for months, a strange strain on her heart that she couldn’t place, had suddenly made sense and then ebbed away.

Often, she wonders how she was strong enough to go through with it. If she had to make the same choice now, she just doesn’t think she could.

“I like good dreams, just not bad dreams.” Rubbing her eyes, Alya turns to look up at her mother. “Do you have bad dreams?”

“Sometimes.” Jemma smiles softly, unwilling to go into more detail. “The thing I find best to do after a bad dream is to think of all my favourite things, all those things that make me happy, and then it doesn’t feel so bad anymore.” She squeezes Alya closer. “And a hug. Those are always magical.”

Alya nods in agreement. “Your hugs are the best.” Then, “Does Daddy hug you after a bad dream?”

“Yes,” she says, thinking of how safe she always feels in Fitz’s arms. “Daddy’s hugs are very magical.”

Her face must crumple for a second, nothing more, but Alya is intuitive to her parent’s emotions. After three years of it just being her and them, how could she not? She reaches a little starfish hand up to Jemma’s face and says, “Mumma, what’s wrong?”

The last time Alya had asked that question, Jemma’s answer had been truthful. There had been nothing wrong. In that moment everything had been exactly right. Tonight it’s different. Something isn’t wrong, but it’s not exactly right, either.

“Oh, I just miss Daddy. That’s all.” She smoothes Alya’s hair back from her face. “It’s very strange him not being here.”

“Me too,” Alya sighs, shaking her head as though something simply must be done about it. “But he’ll be back soon, Mumma. He promised.”

Jemma nods. “That he did.”

“And Daddy _never_ breaks his promises. _Ever._ ”

The surety in her voice, the utter conviction that her father will be home soon just because he s _aid_ that he would be, makes Jemma’s heart swell. This is how she knows they are good parents. Despite everything they have worried and fretted and lost sleep over, they are doing just fine.

She kisses Alya on the forehead. “I love you so much, my sweet girl. I hope you know that.”

“Of course, Mumma,” Alya grins before snuggling against Jemma’s chest like she used to do when she was a baby, head resting against her heart. “I love you, too.”

-x-

With Fitz’s departure there was at least warning, albeit only twenty-four hours. With Fitz’s return there is absolutely nothing, and when he walks into the kitchen Jemma is making soup, and she jumps in surprise, the wooden spoon in her hand clattering to the floor.

“Fitz,” she breathes, before a smile completely takes over her face.

“Jemma,” he says, in a voice like hers, and she meets him halfway across the room, embracing as though they’ve been apart for much longer than four days.

“I’ve missed you,” he says into her hair, his hand warm on the back of her head. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“We’ve missed you.” She pulls back, taking him all in. “Why are you here? I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow?”

He shrugs. “Ah, I was done quicker than I thought and asked if I could come back early. Couldn’t be away from my two favourite people for a second longer than necessary.” Grinning as he hears a shuffle on the stairs, he says, louder, “Speaking of which, do you know where I could find the other one? I think her name is Alya…”

“ _Daddy!”_ The squeal is loud and a little blonde-haired rocket shoots into the kitchen, moving faster than either Fitz or Jemma would have declared scientifically possible. Fitz manages to catch her before she barrels into his legs, and he swings her up onto his hip in one easy, practiced motion.

“Monkey! How have you been?” He grins, and while he might have been happy to see her, Jemma knows all too well the feeling of elation when it comes to being reunited with Alya.

“Good! Me and Mumma did so much stuff. We went swimming and to the park and we saw Granny…” She ticks off each activity on her fingers, before looking at him with wide eyes. “We made an _explosion!_ ”

“An explosion?” Fitz raises one worried eyebrow and looks to Jemma for an explanation.

“We did some experimentation,” she says. “Perfectly safe, of course.”

“Yeah, perfectly safe, Daddy,” Alya parrots back, rolling her eyes. “Mumma knows what she’s doing.”

Jemma goes to laugh but covers it quickly with a cough. “Yes, Daddy,” she says, “I know what I’m doing.”

“You’re a cheeky monkey, you know that?” Fitz says, but his tone only makes Alya giggle. “I’m glad you had a good time. I told you that you wouldn’t even notice I was gone.”

They have, of course, and the quick wink that Fitz gives her out of the corner of his eyes tells her that he knows it.

Alya loops an arm around Fitz’s neck. “Did you fix the important thing?”

“Yup,” he tells her. “All done. It’s not breaking any time soon.”

“Good,” she says decidedly. “Do you want to see my new fish? He’s called Henry.”

“I would love to.” Fitz sets her down. “You go and get him for me.”

“Okay!” And she shoots off, gone as quickly as she came. They can hear her footsteps pounding on the stairs as she races up them.

Fitz jerks a thumb in her direction. “Still not giving up on this whole fish thing?”

“Of course not. You’ve only been gone four days, Fitz. Alya’s hardly one just to take a simple _no_ for an answer.”

He laughs. “No, she’s not. Wouldn’t want her any other way.”

No, Jemma wouldn’t either. There’s not a single thing about Alya she would change.

With their daughter gone from the room, she lowers her voice and asks, “How was it really?”

“Not bad,” he assures her, lowering his voice as well. “A bit weird to be back amongst all that but it wasn’t horrible. Definitely don’t miss it though.”

She tilts her head. “Don’t you?”

“Not for a second.” His eyes are soft and sincere, his voice like warm honey. She’s missed him. “It was good while it lasted, but that’s just not me anymore. I prefer this life. You, us, it’s a million times better.”

She sighs warmly and leans into his side, feeling at this moment perfectly happy.

“Oh, almost forgot to tell you, I got offered a job.”

Jemma looks up in surprise. “Oh really?”

“Yeah. Got a phone call from one of those private companies. Was a pretty lucrative offer as well – told me they could give me ‘everything I could ever want’.”

“Well that does sound intriguing,” she says, not being genuine for a second, entirely sure in the knowledge that Fitz didn’t entertain it for longer than that. “What did you say?”

Fitz scoffs. “Told them to shove it.”

 _That’s my Fitz,_ Jemma thinks, knowing that he probably did say those exact words. For now, she plays along. “What, even if they could give you everything you wanted?”

Just then Alya races back into the room, the folder that contains all of her fish designs in her hands. She sets it down on the table, tongue sticking out as she searches through the sheets of paper for her latest creation.

“How could they?” Fitz gives her that look, the one that she once thought she lost and that she crossed space and time to find again. Alya finds Henry and holds up the sheet of paper triumphantly, waving it around in the air for Fitz to see. He looks from her to Jemma, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I have everything I could ever want right here.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to leave kudos/comments. Please feel free not to. Either way, I hope you're all having lovely days and are managing to stay safe and well <3


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